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A Letter to my Thirty Year Old Self

dear future me

I believe we all love to romanticise life. We create these fantasies in our heads about what our life is going to look like in five, ten, twenty, possibly even fifty years time. I know the reality is that not all of these things are necessarily going to come true, but it's still interesting to think about.

When I was ten, my year five primary school teacher got us to write a letter to our twenty year old selves. Unfortunately, I have no idea where that is and being twenty-one now, I have no idea what ten year old me had hoped I would have achieved by now. The only thing I can remember writing was that I wanted to be driving a white mini, which I haven't achieved as the only car I have ever owned is a red Suzuki Alto.

At that point in time, we were living in a semi-digital world. I am unsure if smartphones existed at that point, and if they did then the majority of the population certainly didn't own one. I guess as pretty much everything we do nowadays is digital, it makes things a lot easier to be able to write down (or, in this case, type) and not lose them. Hopefully, by the time I am thirty and go to open this letter (that's if I remember. Maybe I should ask Siri to set me a reminder to read this post back on my thirtieth birthday - if we even have Siri in 2030, that is), I will still be able to have access to it and this website won't have been taken down. This is really just something for me to look back on in nine years time, so you don't have to read on from here if you don't want to. Or maybe you're interested in seeing what I hope to have achieved in nine years time, or possibly want some inspiration (not that I'd say I'm inspiring in any way) for your own list of things you want to have achieved by the time you're thirty (or any age for that matter). So, without further ado, let's go into the things I hope to have achieved by the time I'm thirty:

One thing I hope to have achieved is to have a long-term partner. I'm not necessarily hoping to have gotten engaged, married, or have kids by this point as I personally don't feel that's realistic and would like to have spent at least three or four years with that person and have spent some time living with them first before thinking of any of that stuff. I definitely want to have children at some point and I'm not all that fussed about marriage, but if I am married by thirty (or at any point in my life), I would like to have got married first before having children. It's not that I wouldn't want them at the wedding, I'd just like to be able to fully enjoy the day without having to worry about where they are or who's looking after them. All I really want to be able to do is to have found the person I want to potentially settle down and spend the rest of my life with and be genuinely happy and in love.

Kind of linked to the above, I want to own a house. I know that for my generation it's going to be an absolute nightmare trying to become a homeowner, but it is something I really hope happens. I definitely don't want to still be living with my Mum and brothers by the time I am thirty. Obviously, I still love them and really love living at home right now, but that's just not something I want to be doing as a thirty year old. I also don't really want to rent anywhere and the only reason why I would rent is if I either had to move out of my area for work and it was too far away to commute from my Mum's, or if my Mum kicked me out for whatever reason (guess I had better be on my best behaviour for the time being). I really want to live in a new build, or if not a new build then a relatively new house. I used to live in an old farmhouse and I constantly thought someone else was there because you'd always hear these creaks in the stairs and elsewhere in the house and it was horrible. I currently live in Shropshire and don't think I want to settle here, as nice as it is. I guess for the time being I still see myself living in the West Midlands, but wherever I end up, I hope I live in a nice town that has a perfect amount of countryside, transport links, and is close enough to a city. Wherever I end up, I can only hope it's a nice place that I am happy in.

I really want to have travelled the world by the time I am thirty. My original plan was to go to Australia after I'd graduated, but as I'm sure you all know by now, we have been in a pandemic for the past year and Australia's borders currently aren't open. I definitely want to see the world as I have only been abroad a handful of times and whilst I think the UK is beautiful and has a lot of hidden gems, I really just want to see and experience different cultures. I would also like to have gone over to the USA, Canada, South America, Africa and Asia by this point, or be in the process of planning some trips to any of these places. I don't really mind if I just go to these places on a holiday or for travelling purposes, I just want to see the world.

I'm currently unemployed (or I guess you could say I'm still technically a student, but I'm not sure at what point I stop being a student) and I just want to be able to find a job I'm really happy with. At this current point, I have no idea whether I have actually passed university or not, but I have been working towards a degree in early childhood studies. I'm not really sure whether I want to continue down this career path anymore and am currently looking at the possibility of becoming a TV presenter one day. I would really like to become a children's presenter at some point and if this does happen at any point (which I know is an incredibly slim chance of happening, but the main point is that there is A chance) and I become a children's presenter, I would love to be looking at moving away from children's and into more mainstream TV. Maybe I'm stupid for believing this could happen, but this is something I have wanted for many years and it's only after the past year that I have actually found the courage to look into pursuing this dream. But regardless of whether I do make it into TV or not, I can only hope that I am in a job that I genuinely enjoy and wake up looking forward to.

I guess as the only thing I can remember from my lost letter to my twenty year old self was the type of car I wanted to own, I may as well mention what car I would like to own (or to have owned) by the time I am thirty. I really want a Range Rover at some point, but I guess to own one of them I will need to be in a well-paid job. Right now, I would love a Fiat 500x and whilst I am currently not looking to buy a car right now, hopefully, at some point, I will be able to buy this car. Maybe, if I do buy it, I will still be driving it when I'm thirty? Maybe I won't have ever owned one and will be driving a different car entirely? Maybe I will or won't have owned that car after my current one and will have moved onto my third (or more) car? Who knows? I just want a car that doesn't have problems with the battery and a massive crack on the bumper.

Another thing I would like to have achieved at thirty is to be in therapy. You may be thinking that's a weird thing to wish to be in, but I have been very honest about my struggles with my mental health over the last few years and it has only been recently that I have realised that I need help. It's quite difficult for me as whenever I'm in a low place, I tell myself I need to speak to someone, but as soon as I come out of that place I tell myself that that's the last time I'm ever going to go there and that I actually don't need therapy. I need to get out of this cycle and find the time (and money) to get the help I need so I can begin to get a clearer understanding of why I feel and think the way I do.

The final, and most important, thing I want to have achieved by the time I'm thirty is to be happy and healthy. I think these are two of the most important things in life. If none of what I have mentioned above has occurred by the time I'm thirty, I think I'll be relatively alright with that; just as long as I have my health and happiness in one form or another. I don't fully know what happiness looks like, or at least I don't know what it will look like in nine years time, but I just hope I have it in one form or another.

If you have read this far then thank you so much. I am interested to know what you hope to have achieved by the time you're thirty, or by whenever your next big birthday is. If you have a blog post similar to this one, please feel free to leave a link to it in the comments below as I would love to give it a read.

What big dreams do you have for your future?

Love Beth xx

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