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How to get over a Situationship

The definition of a situationship. A relationship that has no label on it... like a friendship but more than a friendship but not quite a relationship

I can't remember how I came across the word 'situationship', but when I did and saw what it meant, I immediately realised that I had been in one of those before. Ever heard of it? Let me explain.

A situationship is essentially like a relationship, however, you are not actually in a relationship with that person. It's kind of like when you're dating someone but you haven't actually put a label on what you are to one another as you're still trying to get to know each other and aren't ready to get to that step yet. And the great thing about it being in a situationship (if you can even see a situationship as being a good thing) is that it can be used to describe plenty of different situations you could possibly be in where you are not actually a couple but are definitely more than friends; hence why it is called a situationship.

The difficulty with situationships is that where if you are in a relationship with someone and you break up, you can at least know that you gave things a try between you both, and for whatever reason, it wasn't meant to be. However, with situationships, you don't always have that closure of why things ended and you often always wonder 'what if' you had actually been in a relationship with that person, and would your life be any different if you had?

A good example is when I was in a situationship. This was when I was sixteen and I had an on-off situationship with this guy for about two years. We started off as friends, soon realised we liked each other as more than friends, spent a lot of time talking to one another and even went on a date or two. We never made things 'official' and I was messed around by him quite a lot over those two years. We never necessarily ended anything, as there wasn't really anything to end, but we stopped talking to one another and I have always thought 'what if that person didn't come into his life?' or 'what if one or both of us had been more open about how we felt towards the other?'. This is what makes it difficult to get over a situationship and are questions I still ask myself on a regular basis.

But how exactly are you supposed to get over a situationship? If you're unsure yourself, then don't worry, because I am here to tell you exactly how you can get over the situationship you have just found yourself out of.

1. Treat it exactly like a breakup

In many ways, the ending of a situationship is exactly like the ending of a relationship. This means you are perfectly entitled to treat your situationship ending as you would if you were going through a breakup. So, just do whatever you would do if you were going through a breakup. Watch a sad movie and have a good cry. Spend some time with your mates. Get to know and love yourself again. Just do whatever you need/want to do and you will get over it. It won't be easy, but you'll get there.

2. Stop all communication

The issue I had with my situationship was that we were still able to contact one another and just when I thought I was beginning to get over it, he would contact me again and it felt like I was stuck in an endless cycle of him messaging me, him leading me on, me catching feelings, and then him dropping off the face of the earth. Make sure to block them on everything and delete their phone number so you have absolutely no temptation to get in touch with them.

3. Look for what you want

Are you interested in a one-time thing? Do you just want to go on dates but aren't necessarily bothered about whether they go anywhere? Are you looking for something more long-term? Do you just want to stay single forever? Whatever it is you want romantically, take the time to figure that out. Let's face it, situationships are a waste of everyone's time anyway and they are never going to end well (or, at least, most of them aren't anyway). When you have figured out what you want, go in search of it. Get on the dating apps. Go to places where you might find the person of your dreams. You may not get there straight away, but one day it will happen.

4. Remember you won't always be in situationships

Whether you have been in one or one hundred situationships, it can be very difficult to believe that you won't end up in yet another situationship the next time you meet someone you're interested in. One day you will find someone who isn't going to mess you around and wants to be in a relationship with you, and that is the person you need to keep in your life and NOT anyone you have been in a situationship with.

5. Start a new hobby/continue an old hobby

Hobbies help us keep distracted from whatever else is going on in our lives. If there are any hobbies you currently do, keep up with them to distract you. If you don't have any hobbies, or would like to take up a new hobby, go and do it. It doesn't have to be with other people and can be something you do by yourself, such as painting, or something you do with others, such as a cooking class. You never know, you might end up meeting the love of your life just by taking up a new hobby.

At the end of the day, do whatever you have to do to get over your situationship ending. There is no right or wrong way to get over it. You may not see how you could possibly get over it right now, but trust me, that day will come and you will just be able to move on with your life.

Remember: you are so much better than any situationship and you can and do deserve better.

Love Beth xx

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