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How to Get Over Your Ex

a voodoo style doll with pins stuck in it and a tag on it which says 'ex'

It is more than likely that if you're reading this post, you're either going through a break-up right now, have previously gone through a break-up, or are just reading this post in preparation for any future break-up you might possibly go through. Whichever way you look at it, it's more than likely that we will all go through a break-up at least once in our lives, so this post is more than likely for you.

I have been through a break-up before and it's never easy. You've just gone from being with someone who you saw being in your life forever, to no longer having that person in your life. Regardless of whether you are the dumper or the dumpee, a break-up is an incredibly difficult time in anyone's life, no matter whether it was done amicably or with a huge resentment for one another.

My number one tip to getting over an ex is to completely distance yourself from them. I get that in some cases that isn't possible as you may still go to school or work with them, you may share children with them and have to be in contact with them about the children, or there may be some other reason as to why there is still some element of contact with that person. If you are in any of those situations, I guess my only suggestion would be that if you are at school/work with them to try to avoid them as much as you possibly can and if you share children with them, only contact them about the children, but if possible, maybe get a family member or friend to do this contact for you.

However, if you are not in a position where you have to maintain some form of contact with your ex, then don't ever contact them, especially not at first. You may still want to have them in your life, but this is the worst possible option. Feelings don't just go away overnight and these things take time. If they ask you if you can still be friends, make it clear to them that you feel this is a bad option because you need to put yourself and your feelings first. Don't let them make you feel bad for needing to do this, as I have been put in that position before, and know others who have also been put in that position, and if that person had any sort of respect for you, they would respect your wishes to no longer be in contact with them and would willingly leave you alone. To remove the temptation to contact them, block them, unfriend/unfollow them, do whatever it is you have to do to remove that person from your life. The less you see of them, the less you think about them.

A lot of people will say that in order to get over someone, you have to get under someone else. I personally believe that this is completely the wrong way to go about things. If you find that this works for you then fair enough, however, from speaking to people that have done this in the past, this works for all of a few seconds and once that's over and done with, the feelings for that other person all come flooding back. I have known many people who have broken up with someone and within a few days/weeks have moved onto someone else. I completely understand that break-ups can often be bound to happen at some point a matter of weeks/months before the actual breakup happens and therefore your feelings for that person start to go away very slowly before you actually break up. However, until the break-up has actually happened, you still have a sense of security with that person and possibly a feeling that things between you might not actually end. The quicker you take off the plaster, the less it hurts, and the same can be applied with break-ups.

Many will find it tempting to go back to their ex after breaking up with them. I guess this is because there is still a bit of love there and you may believe that the two of you still have a chance. I understand that in some cases you may have broken up over something stupid/in the heat of the moment and once you've both had the chance to reflect on everything, you may decide that you want to give things another go, which is completely understandable. However, where a break-up has been looming for a while, whether that is from the point-of-view of one or both parties, I personally don't believe it's best for you two to go back to each other. An ex is an ex for a reason and while you may be pining after their good qualities, it is more than likely that there were plenty of bad qualities in your ex that outweighed their good qualities and led to the two of you breaking up in the first place.

I have often seen so many people who will break up with one person and almost immediately move on to the next. I guess that for some this may work, but this is more of a short-term solution than a long-term one. Whilst there is no right time to wait before finding someone else, there is definitely a certain amount of time before you should get on the dating apps. That amount of time is determined by you. You won't wake up one day and suddenly decide you're over your ex, that is something that takes time. You have to take that time to work on yourself, get used to being by yourself and doing things for yourself, learning to get to know your likes and dislikes.

You shouldn't feel a need to be with someone, you should WANT to be with them. You shouldn't have to rely on someone else for your happiness, you should be able to create your OWN happiness. I think it's really important that before you move on to someone else that you realise that you don't need anyone else, whether that's a partner, friend, family member, etc., to make you happy and that you should only have people in your life because you want them there, and not because you feel like you need them. If you are currently going through a break-up, I just want to let you know that you will find happiness again, whether that is with yourself or with someone else. Bring out the break-up tunes, have a boogie with your mates, and live your best single life. You've got this!

Love Beth xx

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