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To my Unborn Child

footprints in the sand

Before I start, I would just like to say that I am not pregnant, I don't currently have any children, and I don't plan on having any in the very near future (although, hopefully, I will someday). I have always dreamed, ever since I was a little girl, of becoming a mum. I used to walk around the house with a cushion stuffed down my top and would pretend my toy baby dolls were my own children. I have so much in my head already of the things I would like to say to any future child/ren I have of my own and I've decided that rather than try and remember everything off the top of my head if I do have children, I would write it all down now and then I can possibly share this with them in the future.

My darling child...

Nothing could have ever prepared me for the love I feel in my heart when I think about you. As I am writing this, you are currently not in my life as I am writing this many years before you have been born. Ever since I was your age I have dreamed of the day that I hold you in my arms, kiss you on the head and live in hope that everything is going to turn out alright for you. As I am writing this it's 2021 and we are all living in a period of immense uncertainty, so I can only live in hope that you don't have to go through this same amount of uncertainty in your lifetime. Hopefully this current pandemic should all be over by then and maybe one day I can tell you the stories about what happened during the Covid-19 pandemic. Not much really happened, but at the same time, quite a lot did happen. It will be like when my Grandparents would tell me stories about World War Two and I can tell you about the fact that despite there was a lot of bad going on in the world, so much good came from it too. Hopefully, you'll get to meet my grandparents, your great-grandparents, by the time you're born. If not, I would like you to know that they were some of the strongest and loveliest people I ever got to know and I know that that strong power of determination and kindness that they have always carried will be shown in you.

I kind of feel as though, in many ways, I have been a mum in training for many years now. When my younger brother was born (your Uncle), all I wanted to do was to be involved straight away with looking after him and being around him all the time. I was always interested in the different stages and milestones in his life and learning at what point to progress onto the next stage, such as sleeping in his own room, weaning him, when he started crawling/walking, and everything else. I am more than aware that looking after a child is not as easy as it seems, but I also know from speaking to other people that the love you feel from that child makes it all worth it. I'm sure (and very much hope) that I will feel that love when I look at you and have you in my life.

I have always said that I would never start a family unless I was in a financially secure position and was in a good place both physically and mentally to be able to look after them. Obviously, I know this is not always the case and it's not as simple as that; but as I am writing this before you even exist and before I have met your Dad (or maybe I already have and just don't know it yet), I cannot even say whether this is true or not. However, what I can say is that, regardless of the financial/physical/mental situation I am in when you are born, I can promise to love you more than I even believe is possible at this point and to give you as good a life as I possibly can. My parents (your Nan and Grandad) did that for me, so I am going to do the same for you.

At this point, I can't even begin to imagine what you are going to be like as a person. What I do know is that you are going to be beautiful, regardless of society's beauty standards at that point in time, because a) they are a completely made-up concept and b) you were always going to be beautiful anyway. I also know you are going to be kind because my parents have brought me up with three values: 1) treat others how you want to be treated; 2) don't say anything you wouldn't say to that person's face; and 3) if you've not got anything nice to say then don't say anything at all. These values were installed in me from a young age and I already know for sure that I am going to be installing those values in you. But I already know that, regardless of me teaching you these values, you are going to be such a kind-hearted person both inside and out and anyone that is in your life is going to be incredibly lucky to have you in theirs.

Finally, I just want to let you know that I love you so much, with all my heart, and I promise to be the best Mum to you that I can possibly be and I really, really cannot wait to have you in my life.

Love Beth xx

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